Review of Read The Signs/Freeverse 560 by Emily Butler

1/27/22

First, read the poem Read the Signs/Freeverse 560.

Second, read the review by Emily Butler below.

such ironclad powers wetly gut with surprise, grinning dynamics
to remodel those with imaginative impediments 
the quill is close, resembling luminescent calculations
kinetic noiseless fonts deeply recount the wild
the similarities between writing and breathing is crowd-pleasing
fury in an infuriating heart disseminates like aircraft taking off
arena-rattling vicious batches cross-stitched with bones
	[Gorgeous! Lovely sounds here.]
shaking international cobwebs to burn the ectoderm
a 1234 password to rekindle function and activate the demand
	[love this specific detail] 
guerrillas with accuracy decapitate big-headed markets
	["guerillas with accuracy" feels a bit awkwardly phrased to me. You might want to cut the phrase entirely and leave us with: guerillas decapitate big-headed markets. It is implied that they do so with accuracy. This is an example of what I mean by paring down the language. Personally, I find lots of qualifying language to be distracting from the heart of what's really going on. This line is fascinatingly strange! I love it! The qualifier slows me down in taking in the idea/image.]
groping in the dwindling darkness for optimization
	[Funny!! I love the way that this poem is getting at the heart of the absurdities of modern life. I'd say that lots of people and organizations are "groping for optimization," and put this way, it sounds ridiculous. In other words, the surreal approach of the poem works really well. It's incisive and entertaining.]
we decline offers of goofy gingerbread crimes
our creative pipeline waterslide contains porcupines
	[hah! I love the way that you're reimagining the "creative pipeline" as a waterslide. Again, though, the language feels a bit dense to me. What if you said: "our creative pipeline is a waterslide for porcupines"]
and even scarier things like mortgages inside
	[Haha! Funny.]
footwear unfastened, even flowers keep tension in the petals
	[I absolutely love this line!!]
we shall not pain nor have a commendable last
we volunteer to stand still as the stiffest sign
	[Great comparison]
on roads we're creating where we craft the lines


I find this poem pretty challenging to decode, which is not inherently a problem, but something worth thinking about. 

To me, certain lines are more straightforward, and a bit more enjoyable to read, than others. For example: "footwear unfastened, even flowers keep tension in the petals." Simply incredible! That line is surreal, but on the sentence level, the words themselves are not too difficult to comprehend. It's concise.

I'd say that often times, simple language pairs better with surreal or bizarre images than complex language does. It can feel overwhelming to decode both surreal concepts *and* densely packed language.

I would recommend taking a look at your use of adjectives in this poem. I find the beginning more challenging than the end, and I think the difference is that these first 4 lines are packed with adjectives (and a few adverbs as well). 

I think your choices of nouns and verbs are really excellent!! The ideas in this poem are fascinating, and at times, really funny to me. I feel like there is some extremely effective cultural criticism going on in this poem, I just get a little lost in the language,especially when there is more than one adjective in a row (kinetic noiseless, shaking international, goofy gingerbread).

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